A layman can baptize when in extremis
or give the last rites. Here’s how I perform them.
I can’t confess you, consecrate a wafer,
but I can say hello, goodbye in Latin,
and frankly, my boss is the Holy Spirit. Ego te baptismo I tell the infants, Apage, Satanas, I tell the parents, Requiescat in pace, I tell the dying.
Lacking extreme unguent, I use saliva,
crossing a forehead when the priest is tardy.
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