Are You a Moderate? Are You a Syrian Rebel?

If so, apply now for funds, training, and weapons. Please fill in this form and return it to the White House, 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue, DC, USA.

From the New Yorker's Borowitz Report:

WASHINGTON—After announcing, on Thursday, that it would seek $500 million to help “train and equip appropriately vetted elements of the moderate Syrian armed opposition,” the White House today posted the following Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form:

Welcome to the United States’ Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:

As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is:
A) Moderate
B) Very moderate
C) Crazy moderate
D) Other

I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:
A) Truth
B) Justice
C) The American Way
D) Creating an Islamic caliphate

Read the rest here.

Margaret O'Brien Steinfels, a former editor of Commonweal, writes frequently in these pages.

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