Marriage and De-Church
July 5, 2006, 8:30 am
Posted by John McGreevy
As a follow-up to Fr. Komonchak’s stimulating post: the Washington Post details the startling collapse of Church-sanctioned marriages in the last thirty-five years. Summarized: the number of Catholic marriages has fallen by half since 1970, while the Catholic population has increased significantly. Here might be another example of the movement away from church and toward “religion.”
In the population generally more and more people are living together without formally marrying. This may well be true for Catholics as well. Also Catholics who see no reason why they should not use contraception may be loath to spend six months listenint to instructions that they have no intention of obeying. And of course many people are postponing marriage till a time where they are less subject to parental pressure for a church wedding.
In the population generally more and more people are living together without formally marrying. This may well be true for Catholics as well. Also Catholics who see no reason why they should not use contraception may be loath to spend six months listening to instructions that they have no intention of obeying. And of course many people are postponing marriage till a time where they are less subject to parental pressure for a church wedding.
Already-married converts may also account for that low number.
Might be useful to weed those folks out of the numbers to see what you get.
The believability of Humane Vitae is hardly the only issue here, though surely it is one. The Church’s teaching on divorce/remaariage and ability for those who have not received annulments to receive Communion is clearly another.
But there are far greater factors at play as well:- the advent of “no fault” divorce has produced a divorce rate of 50% for many years.
-with both partners working to make ends meet in our current “lean/mean” economy, (as CNN recently reported) infidelity rates are about 50% with nuch of that tied to affairs in the office;
-while drinking and probably abuse were always problematic, drug abuse, domestic violence and sex abuse of children affect marriages of the couples involved and their children when they come to marriage.(these topics seem to be seldom preached about.)
-Marriages that break apart with children involved often undergo awful custody battles and painful support isues (IN MY STATE, THE CURRENT COMPLIANCE RATE FOR SUPPORT PAYMENTS IS 28%).
Marriage is not understood even as it was 50 years ago where the woman (who in this century was freed from prearranged marriages, except in certain cultures) wasthen understood as a “vessel of procreation.”
In current society, marriage (now undertaken later generally) requires a good deal of maturity and probably mentoring .( The Church has moved foward a bit -”lacking sufficient maturity” has replaced “insanity” as grounds for annulment; premarital questionairres stressing more than canonical compliance have been introduced, But we need to confront and assist with all the hard nut issues folks face if we wish to support Christian marriage as a sacrament folks will seek.
Not sure about elsewhere, but there is a big disonnect between the kind of marital advice I read in my diocesan publications and what real people actually need.
Most of the “advice” is along the lines of “rent a romantic comedy and hold hands” or “send the kids to the neighbors overnight and plan a romantic dinner with candles.”
Gag! What planet are these marital advisors living on?
There is Retrouvaille, but it requires a weekend overnight retreat and several follow-up weekends. A lot of people can’t do it because they don’t have a place to leave the kids. I have offered to take kids on occasion, but organizers need to look at a new format for the program.
Look at all those Catholics who left the priesthood after 1968. Well over 25,000. Most of them have lifetime licenses to marry others and they have. This was well before Rent a Priest.
Take the 100,000 plus nuns who left and the gap is already accounted for. Some were married within the system.
When Karol W stopped granting dispensations those married outside increased.
A more scientific survey is needed. Statistics have never been more shaky than in this case. http://www.rentapriest.com/web/?_p=1025&newsId=3&title=CITI%20IN%20THE%20NEWS&catId=1
I think Robert Nunz is right: there are many factors at work that discourage young people from marrying in the Church, and some of those factors are out of our control. But one really isn’t. and it is one of those “hard nut issues” he speaks of that we must address.
Humanae Vitae is certainly a problem for today’s young people, though not exactly the one it was for their parents, a generation of Catholics disillusioned by the unconvincing arguments put forth in the document and the circumstances of its promulgation in the face of contrary advice by those experts consulted. Back then, Humanae Vitae cost the Church many good clergy, and unfortunately it has cost those priests who remain much of their credibility on the subject of the ethics of marriage.
It is easy to sympathize today with honest young couples who are reluctant to pretend they will be compliant with rules they and everyone whose opinion they respect believe to be unjustified and wrongly imposed. And it is hard to see why they would want to sign up for six months of counseling/ indoctrination by someone in whom they cannot have complete confidence. Perhaps it is also possible to sympathize– a little– with priests required to present the party line whether they believe it or not, but I think some day most will look back on their willingness to do so with regret. The situation is counter-productive and painful all round. But it is also completely unnecessary, so why do we let it go on?
My suspicion is that within the increase of Catholic population there are a significant number of people married already. However, there are other factors to consider.
I do not find it strange that the number of Catholic marriages are decreasing; I believe they are going elsewhere to have their wedding. Of the couples I meet with to offer preparation before marriage, the majority are cohabiting and have done so for a significant period of time, say 1-3 years. Also, of the couples I meet with the majority are mixed, Catholic/ non-Catholic, marriages. When questioned on whether they regularly participate in the practice of their faith, most will admit that they do not attend church on a regular basis.
I have had a significant number of couples go somewhere other than the Church for their wedding because they either do not want a religious ceremony or they would like to be married outdoors, which is not a normal option in my diocese.
Still, I think overall my parish tends to welcome non-traditional couples (cohabiting, mixed, nonpracticing) who are seeking a Catholic wedding. I believe it would be difficult, if not impossible, for many of them to obtain a Catholic wedding at other parishes.
Deacon DW:
” Still, I think overall my parish tends to welcome non-traditional couples (cohabiting, mixed, nonpracticing) who are seeking a Catholic wedding. I believe it would be difficult, if not impossible, for many of them to obtain a Catholic wedding at other parishes. ”
My male partner of 34 years and I await your invitation. Give us a chance to book a flight (if necessary) and we’ll be there.
Oh ,,,, not THAT non-traditional, you say? What a surprise!
Well, Jimmy, I guess all I can say is at least you don’t have to worry about birth control.
Let me go on record as saying that the Deacon’s words on July 5th are entirely and inappropriate and uncalled for. Charity covers a multitude of sins.
You are right, DW … birth control is not our problem. Particularly at our ages.
Birth control, and “Catholic divorce” aka annulment, and authoritarianism, and rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic (quibbling over words of the liturgy and what kind of music is holier than thou) ARE the church’s problems.
She would be best spending her time stanching the outflow of people who are disgusted with so much of what passes for “orthodox” Catholicism these days. Worrying about how my relationship with my partner is destroying Catholic marriage is so laughable that it has moved beyond funny to simply too sad for words.
If some of you are sitting on the edge of your seats waiting from the next volley from either the Deacon or me, know that we have kissed and made up (metaphorically!) offline.
All is well and God is still in her heaven.