Sex, Lies and Virginity
That ought to drive some search engine traffic in this direction…:-)
Bill Saletan at Slate magazine has been writing an interesting blog/column for awhile now called “Human Nature” in which he posts links to interesting stories about science, technology, and society.
In his most recent post, Saletan looks at the one of the problems in assessing the impact of “virginity pledges” on teen sexual behavior, i.e. that those surveyed about their sexual activity tend to be less than completely truthful (something we probably should have learned from one of our previous presidents…:-) In a second post, Saletan links to the story about a 63 year old woman who will soon give birth. All I’ll say is that it was tough enough getting up for midnight feedings in my 40s….
Enjoy!
I was hoping Saletan’s story would be more insightful, since my Fundamentalist relatives made a big thing about supporting our nephews, who’d made a big deal out of their “chastity rings.”
Here’s what I can add to the picture based on our family experience:
1. “Chastity pledges” are so-called because the idea is to pledge to be chaste even if you’ve already had sex. You get a silver ring in a pledge ceremony that shows you’re “dating but waiting.”
2. Chastity pledges lead to hair-splitting about what is or isn’t sex. As you might imagine, teens define this with a lot more latitude than adults think they are. Moreover, there’s a lot more discussion about this than you really want to hear at a family get-together.
3. If your teenage relative takes a chastity pledge you will have to hear about how difficult it is to keep it. When my nephew got engaged, this is pretty much all he talked about until the wedding. Well, that and his paintball group.
4. Family members are informed about the vow and asked to help the teen keep it. I kept imagining a late-night phone call from a desperate and overheated nephew on the verge of … which is where my imagination got too creeped out and shut down entirely.
I have nothing against teenage chastity. In fact, I think it’s a great idea.
But I wonder whether these pledge ceremonies don’t simply side-step true communication about sex, Church teachings about respect for oneself and others, how kids can get emotionally and physically scarred by starting sex too young, etc. etc.
Wow, Jean, you have enough material for a novel, it sounds like, or at least a long short-story.
I did not want to read much in the Saletan piece, so I do not know if masturbation is included in the “chastity pledge.”
That sort of thing can make a difference. I would love to know your nephew’s thoughts on the subject.
Our much maligned former president actually taught us Catholics, of ancestry in traditionally Catholic ethnic groups, an interesting lesson, when he pronounced those words for which he was later so much mocked, “I never had sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Well, by the understanding of lots and lots of people in, let us say for brevity’s sake if a bit inaccurately, the red states, he was telling the truth. “Sexual relations” is a very narrowly defined thing, one specific activity. And that is it.
That had been lost on us Augustinian Catholics, thinking about the will, and what the will is up to; and on us Aristotelian Catholics too, into categorizing everything (“well, there’s this way, (a.), and there is also this other way, (b.); but then again, coming from the other direction, there is this other way, (2.a.), with four variations … “).
Yes indeed, Bill Clinton taught us lots. And if he had been allowed to run for president again, he would have won handily.
I think Bill Clinton’s notions of what actual sex are probably akin to my nephews’.
Their dad seemed to feel that definition was too narrow, but I didn’t stick around for the debate, as I was busy hustling my quite-interested 10-year-old out of the room.
I see on the Internet that you can buy any number of chastity/purity/virginity rings, sterling silver, 24K gold, plain bands, bands with guardian angels, bands with budded roses, bands featuring crosses in relief or with cut-outs in the shapes of crosses, bands wide enough to be engraved on the inside with the wearer’s message.
In short, you can find a chastity ring to accessorize with your own personal fashion statement.
Many rings come with prayer-poems. Here’s an example:
This ring’s a special symbol of the promise that I’ve made.
With your help, O Lord, I know, its glow will never fade.
With your help, Lord, I’ll stand firm, though some may criticize.
For Whose opinion matters, if I look good in Your eyes?
Who can give me anything to take the place of You?
Who on earth can justify a love that isn’t true?
So, I make my statement, on my hand and in my heart.
I know, one day, I’ll hear You say I chose the better part.
The world calls this “old fashioned;” still, I’ll wait-it’s just a while.
For Honor, Truth, and Faithfulness are never out of style.
It makes “I think that I shall never see / A poem as lovely as a tree” seem like High Art.
And I wonder how many kids are going to pledge something as serious as chastity when it’s associated with dopey stuff like this.
Or am I just a terrible cynic?