Mary Kennedy’s demons
Kerry Kennedy, her lifelong friend, puts the depression that led to her sister-in-law’s suicide into the context of Mary’s life. It is an affecting and convincing eulogy:
Like millions of Americans, Mary suffered from depression. She had it for as long as I knew her, and as it reared up in high school, college and beyond, she fought it back, for a day, a week, a month. These last 6 years or more, she fought it as hard as she knew how.
But that disease was not Mary herself. She was deeply Catholic, and she was an angel. And like the archangel Michael, who battled Satan when he tried to take over Heaven, Mary fought back the demons who were trying to invade the Paradise of her very being. She fought with everything she had. And I think God said to her “Mary, you have been my warrior on the front lines for too long, you have fought valiantly, and now I am bringing you home.”
Let’s not forget they were only demons, not Mary herself, and it’s everything else about Mary that is important, and for me, will abide. She was an angel, a gift from the Heavens. So let’s not remember her for her despair, but let’s take inspiration from her determination to heal the woundedness in herself and in those she loved.
And let’s live our lives, remembering hers, with tenderness towards one another and affirmation for our feelings, and go forth with compassion, exhilaration, laughter and joy.
H/T: The Dish
This is as good as it gets as far as turning a negative into a positive. May the Lord bless her, shine upon her and give her peace. Rfk Jr, sadly, does not come out well in this scenario. On the surface he purports to care deeply about others while apparently lacking that charity at home. Whatever her faults may have been there appears no justification for his actions. Flaunting his girl friend publicly with his children no less. Hubris indeed. His narcissism showed when at her death he called her a true Kennedy and took no responsibility for his failings as a husband. He made a mockery out of marriage on two occasions ignoring for better or worse, in sickness and in health until death do us part. Nobody forced him in either case. People may have good reasons for divorce. No good reason appears for RFK JR. in both cases. If he marries Cheryl Hines he does not have to get an annulment while her status as a divorced Catholic is unknown. No doubt some prominent cleric will handle a massive wedding affair. For sure she will be a true Kennedy. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2146356/Mary-Kennedy-death-Robert-Kennedy-Jr-reveals-ex-wifes-life-long-struggle-depression.html
Are we supposed to think that her husband’s behavior had nothing to do with her depression?
David, thank you so much for posting this.
I have no patience with profligate husbands, and even the good ones can be wearing at times (mine has a ukulele). But let’s not wave Mary Kennedy’s suicide off on a philandering husband. It trivializes her struggle with depression and turns her into a wronged wife who just couldn’t take it.
Depression is incredibly insidious because it blinds sufferers to the hope and love of Jesus Christ. And it makes sufferers difficult to be around, thus isolating them further. Kerry Kennedy, bless her, was able to see beyond the depression and to speak for a friend who may have been difficult for many to understand or even sympathize with.
“And let’s live our lives, remembering hers, with tenderness towards one another and affirmation for our feelings, and go forth with compassion, exhilaration, laughter and joy.”
Perhaps that goes for Robert Kennedy, Jr., too. I wish him true repentance and redemption.
Jean, thanks for that. I agree, anyone who has known depression from the inside or close up knows how demonic it is, in that it sucks in all light like a black hole.
But Kerry Kennedy’s line, “they were only demons, not Mary herself,” really struck me. That is worth remembering, as it puts evil in its place. It is an exorcism of sorts.
“It is an exorcism of sorts.”
That is a lovely way to put it, David. Our old priest said masses for two parishioners who died by suicide, one of whom was just 16. I never thought about it quite that way, but that’s exactly what those funeral masses were–exorcism and restoration of the dignity of those two souls.
David G. is right,
I thought the few words pf Fr. Thompson reported in the Times were about right.
I’m sorry that there are many coments on her ex-husband, warts and all, when it was about “living our lives with tenderness and affirmations of others…’
But, let him who is without sin doesn’t often seem the rule of the day….
What a wonderful eulogy. The only other thing I could have wished for, at the end, was a call to action to treat, support and love those who are depressed. Mental health care is at the top of my list of holes in the American social safety net.
Stress will trigger depressive episodes sometimes, but the triggers are not the cause. And not every trigger is stress. The worst part about chronic depression is that in its peaks and valleys and remissions it saps one’s confidence in oneself; one never knows when it is going to return. It is a place in the spirit where one truly cannot count on time.
While there is little doubt that she suffered from depression — it is also the case that to file for divorce, push for full custody of the children, date a Hollyoowd actress who gushes about her new life with your husband, and stopping invitations to family get-togethers – a family she was a part of long before she married RFK Jr. — is a good way to give someone on the edge a final push.
As Catholics we are never called to walk away from our spouses or loved ones when they are suffering from a debilitating illness. Would our response be different had she been suffering from cancer?
Behind every Kennedy man is a woman on the edge. Mary Kennedy reminded me of Joan Kennedy. Two women left utterly broken.
The Kennedy saga is like something out of Sophocles, only the Sophocles tragedies eventually end. God help them all.