Ask not.
Subway preachers are a dime a dozen in New York. They seem especially numerous on the 7th Ave. line–the one most Commonweal staffers take to work. There’s the elderly Israeli man with the wild beard who promises a path to the pearly gates. The middle-aged Jamaican woman who preaches the peace of Christ in surprisingly aggressive tones. The thirty-something African-American man who delivers fire and brimstone to annoyed commuters. Usually I can tune them out. But when a particularly noisy one starts his routine and pulls my focus, I’ll move to another car.
I ran into one of those today. “Good morning!” the bearded man bellowed. He had the accent of a native Spanish-speaker, glasses, and he gesticulated with a file folder marked “2009.” Here we go again. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask for money.” That’s when I stood and headed for the door. “I do have a job,” he continued. “At least for the time being.” The doors opened. “My name is Austerity Nut and I preach the virtues of budget cuts.” I sat back down. Here’s what he said:
We are in a terrible crisis, my friends, because you, I, and all other working people have for too long been too comfortable and too greedy. The rich, on the other hand, are falling further and further behind, because they are being denied their fair share of the wealth produced in this country.
This is why all of us working people should welcome the opportunity to sacrifice for our suffering brothers and sisters on Wall Street. This is why our governor and mayor are cutting education, health care, and other unnecessary social services. These cuts are inevitable because we surely don’t want to tax the bonuses of our suffering brothers and sisters on Wall Street. Our mayor and governor are right to reduce their taxes. After all, our brothers and sisters on Wall Street are the main reason why our economy is in such great shape right now.
Now, it’s true that sometimes things can get hard for you and me. But it’s surely not fair to blame the rich for our own failings or to get angry at our wonderful capitalist system. Now more than ever, my friends, we must trust our politicians and the rich. They are good people–and, I promise you, they stay up a night making sure that every New Yorker has a well-paying job with good benefits; that no child goes to bed hungry at night; that no New Yorker is homeless; and that every New Yorker can afford to go to college. So let us accept tuition hikes at our public universities and fare hikes in our public transportation system. Let us accept that we don’t need unions, pay raises, or decent pensions.
And now, firm believer in free enterprise that I am, I will make this message available to you at the recession-proof price of zero dollars and zero cents. Please spread this uplifting message to everyone you know. Show it to your friends, neighbors, even your boss. Photocopy it, perform it, and distribute it as you please. And above all remember: Ask not what the billionaires in your country can do for you; ask what you can do for the billionaires.
About half the commuters on the train took a copy of his sermon. Some of them even smiled.
GOP/TP is now taking on the subway preacher role? Obama 2012 is doomed! As Manhattan goes so does the nation..
Grant, what percentage do you think recognized it as satire?
Cute. How I wish our church would engaged in the kinds of interaction detailed below, although it sounds like the author laments the naivete of Church leaders as much as me (nonetheless, it would be better still than having our bishops take part in another meaningless and embarrassing press conference).
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/damianthompson/100082868/catholics-and-the-big-society-a-dialogue-of-the-deaf/
Mary, I’d say that everyone who was listening got the picture.
Interesting piece re dialogue on social issues. Thanks, The Commenter Formerly Known As ‘Congressman’ (Jeff). I did a double-take at this sentence, then remembered I wasn’t reading about the U.S.:
“…the socialist platitudes that fall from the lips of [Northern bishops]….[Bishop so-n-so] seems terrified of upsetting the Left…”
Damn. Maybe we could arrange a trade with England :)
Speaking of dialogues on social issues (derail warning): the coverage of the Vatican blogger conference has been interesting. Anyone else notice The Anchoress statement to the effect that the Commonweal Editors are an occasion of sin? (I’ve always thought so, but still…)
@Grant, where I live, irony is what you do to your dress shirt for Church, but only if it needs it. Plenty of folks would hand it out that speech as insightful analysis :)
I’m glad that Jeff is the one who’s not naive -maybe (even if doesn”t think so) amoral, but, God bless ‘em, he KNOWS.
As to the Anchoress, that’s all right -I think she’s an occasion of ignorance.
Bless you, Bob Nunz
Bravo, Austerity Nut! But, then, I think the rent is too damn high.
I’m with Jean. I voted for Jimmy “The Rent Is Too Damn High” McMillan for Governor last year, and it’s looking like he’ll get my vote for President next year if he chooses to run.
None of the subway preachers top Times Square’s Black Hebrew Israelites, http://www.villagevoice.com/2011-03-30/news/black-hebrew-israelites-new-york-s-most-obnoxious-prophets/